Smiling exhaustion

Birds are singing, sun is shining... joy radiates. I have no idea what the weather's like outside right now but inside things are looking good. Just look at what my mother-in-law gave me when the boy and I stopped by for a visit yesterday.

Wait. Did you see it all? Look!

There's a whole stack of vintage fabric she and my father-in-law found in Portland last weekend, and then there's a gigantic stack of fabric cut out to make yo-yos. Imagine the possibilities! Needless to say I have a wonderful mother-in-law. And father-in-law. My brother- and sister-in-law aren't too shabby either.

I bruised my right hip from all of the dancing the boy and I have done through his illness. He insists on turning on jazz and dancing on the rug. He'll be sad about something and he runs over to the rug in the middle of the living room; he stamps his feet and points urgently at the ground while shaking his head like Ray saying, "Na na na na!" (his favorite nighttime music has a "na na" song where all of the "words" are "na na"). This isn't dancing. It means, "Mama! Pick me up and you dance." We're slowly venturing out though he's getting tired quickly and has a short fuse (note the "outrage" discussion in my last post). I'm a bit exhausted, but I'm still smiling. Hmmm... That's not right. I'm truly exhausted, but I'm still smiling. Yep. That's it.

Is it strange to be obsessively dreaming about vacations? We never go on "holiday" and it's never much of an issue but I'm dreaming constantly of heading to the beach.

I'm also daydreaming about spending time with my guy (the older one). We've been so busy lately and get caught up in the "Did you do the...? Should we pay the...? Could you...? The boy needs..." and I miss looking up from my coffee and The New Yorker in a cafe on a weekend morning, smiling at T across the table. I can look over at him on his laptop over there from my laptop here, but there's laundry blocking the view, there are dishes piled in the sink, the ironing board is to my right, bills are stacked behind the computer screen and I have a white face mask on. It's not the same.